When Wall Meats Toast
by jaded-alchemist
Summary: A twenty year old on probation cop is having a slightly weirder than normal week, and It all thanks to a green eyed transparent man named Harry Potter. HPOC not cannon at all. Mary sue as well.


TESTED AND APPROVED bY GOLLY!!!

Summary: HPOC not mary sue/ Harry has had scrapes before, But none had ever landed him as a ghost in some muggles kitchen before.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

I swear I was just eating my honey bunches of oats, It's fates fault this time. Some random guy _materialized_ right next to the kitchen table. Of course he had to be transparent and facing the wall, and was he-? Oh good lord of lords he was wearing a dress. So me being me, I did what every good, on probation, cop would most likely not do.

_Splat_

I threw my still full cereal bowl at him, soggy cereal and all. It just so happened to fly straight through his noggin making him whirl around and whip out a decorative looking stick. His emerald eyes were dangerous looking and the twig was aimed at the bridge of my nose. After a second or two he sighed and flattened his fringe over what looked like a jagged scar on his forehead, and lowered the twig. "Oh. Just a figment of my dreamscape then." He mumbled, English accent strong. He tucked his stick away and turned to examine the microwave oven.

"Figment?!" I gaped out; arm still suspended in a throwing position before it made it's way indignantly to my hip. "If anybody is a figment, It you pal." my eyes narrowed and he whirled around for a second time, eyebrow raised in question. A grin made it's way to his face and he took a step around the table.

"And why," He paused and took a coupe more steps towards me, his dress swaying elegantly. "Would that be?" he was within arms length now, so with as much casual finesse as I could muster at six in the morning, I thrust my open palm through his corporeal head and wiggled my fingers about in the air on the other side. He seemed stupefied for a moment before actually looking at himself while I pulled my hand back out of his head. The look of dismay on his face had me wishing I hadn't said anything at all. It must be quite disturbing to see tiling through your hands. The look melted away and seconds later so did my pity. "What did you do to me?" He demanded.

"Excuse me?" I inquired not quite certain that I understood what he was referring to. His green eyes narrowed dangerously.

Snarling almost audibly, he drew out his stick again and attempted to push it into my temple only to have it sink in and poke coldly at my brain. "You've kidnapped me and I'm apparently not solid, I'd like an explanation Death eater!"

Where do guys come from? I wonder that a lot and I seemed to have come up with the answer to. Home Depot. That's their mother ship, they go back to recharge every so often. "Ok I'll bite." I stated throwing my hands into the air. "Just who is it I've supposedly kidnapped. And what do you mean by death Eater? I haven't eaten any sort of road kill lately, and If you don't stop waving that thing around in my skull I'll be using it to pick your ectoplasm out of my carpets." I finished what was once a calm barrage of questions with an irate statement when he started moving his wand about in what I recognized as barely retrained anger. He withdrew his stick from my skull and the lack of cool made my head throb painfully. He continued to glare at me like I was playing some sort of sick joke on him.

"I'm Harry Potter-" He probably had an entire you-better-let-me-go-right-now-or-else speech prepared but honestly it was far to early to early to listen to something like that.

"Great now I know who to bug for another bowl of cereal." I smiled disarmingly at him before walking away from the table and into the living room to flop down and watch the news or maybe some good soap operas. I had decided that I would figure out his sudden appearance when the headache receded, This wasn't going to ruin my Wednesday morning. I had just sat down to flip through the channels when a beam of light shot through the back of my head and dispelled on the TV. I glared at the machinery debating weather or not I needed to throw something back at the phantom in my kitchen or just leave it be. Opting for the later I then continued to ignore the steady stream of lights and seconds later cussing that flowed from the kitchen. Half way through the tirade of British expletives I settled on the Spanish channel when I saw a hunky looking Hispanic man. I lost track of what that Henry guy did after that.

Two hours later I was really into my soaps. "Oh Daniella!" Cried the hunky Hispanic man, Roberto, as his beloved all but flew away from him sobbing hysterically in random Spanish. My eyes filled with tears and I curled tighter around the throw pillow as she drove away into midday traffic where she would surely meet her end. The moment was ruined when a frustrated male cry came from somewhere in the restroom and a transparent heap of black flopped at my feet, almost as If he had been thrown.

"Do we need to have another discussion?" I asked eyebrow twitching as Roberto received tragic news from Miguel. Potter ,as I had come to know him by his last name, Lifted his head to glare at me. Rising shakily from the floor, for what was most likely the third time that afternoon, he replied to my question as he strolled in a dignified way back into the bathroom, "That wasn't a discussion , You let out a tribal war cry and threw your slipper through my head."

I glowered at him then at the now boring soap opera, before I opted to follow the loon into my bathroom to make sure he wasn't defacing anything. "What are you doing anyways?" I inquired unsurely as I discovered him bent over peering at a line of toiletries he had used to mark a straight line across the bathroom floor, just beyond the bathtub. He scratched his head and poked the shampoo bottle.

"I can't pass the wards placed near the toilet." He answered shortly.

"What wards?"

"These wards…what the?" He looked perplexed as he moved to the toilet waving his arms about in front of him as he went.

Alrighty then, Leave ya too it then…" I backed away from him slowly as he began to feel up the walls. This was way odd. I mean I had seen crack addicts but this guy was normally like this. As I left the Bathroom I suddenly heard a manly scream as he was once again hurtled at my feet. "I'm beginning to think you're a stickler for dramatics." I stated gazing at him tiredly, no longer caring for this much. He glowered up at me.

He went at it for another hour or two, nothing really happened other than he figured out he was tied to me and was forced to stay within twenty feet of me at all times. It was odd and creepy, not to mention he seemed to think it was all my fault. I didn't bring him here, nor did I particularly find myself relishing his company. He had made me throw my breakfast at him.

"What the devil-" I stared in slight horror as he slowly faded from existence.

"Well that sucks." I stated, shocked at his sudden disappearance, Well at least the rest of my probation would be peaceful. I thought trying to ignore the odd sense of loneliness that crept up on me as I made my way into the Kitchen to clean up that mornings cereal.

It wasn't until Thursday morning, second day of my probation, that I realized he would be a constant visitor.

"HOLY NAKED JESUS!" _Splurt. My toast…is now stuck to the wall. _

Green eyes glared into my hazel ones as he turned to face me in aggravation. His entire demeanor just screamed ' not you again.' "Is it necessary to pelt me with food items?"

I look him up and down, today he decided that dresses weren't for him anymore and decided instead to strip down to his boxers. "Yes." I thought a second before continuing. "Though I did throw that slipper at you yesterday." He rolled his eyes.

"Look it seems to me that these," He waved his arms vaguely and I found my cheeks heat up in embarrassment at his comfort ability with his ear naked state. "Dream things or whatever will most likely keep going, so lets just try to make the best of it." He sighed obviously not liking intruding upon my life about as Much as I liked him doing so. Holding out a hand he cleared his throat. "Hi, I'm Harry potter. And you are."

Keeping my eyes averted from the rest of him I looked him straight in the eyes seriously. If he's going to hang around why not make the best of it. "Hi Harry Potter my name's Kate. Kate McGraph." I said as he smiled his first true smile at me and I decided that maybe this guy wasn't so bad.


End file.
